oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
