my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Randomize
