Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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