My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
