I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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