I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
