We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
