Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
