she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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