It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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