I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
