So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
