i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
