Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I love having hate sex.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
