i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
