I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
