Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
