can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
