i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
