I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
