i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
You smell like stripper and shame
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
