Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
