I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
