He is an equal opportunity slut.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
