We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
