I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
