I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
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She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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