I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
