What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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