I got chris browned last night
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
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