so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
she told me i tasted like america
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
