please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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