I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
