I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
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im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
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