Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
