I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
