She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
