That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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