I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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