I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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