just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
