That's when you crack a 10am beer
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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