Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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