Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
