i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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