She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
