you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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