tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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