did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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