I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
