Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
