That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
