Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My breasts were aching with rage.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
