Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
