If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
