Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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