I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
