My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
