Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
