Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
