Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
