I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
