I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
