So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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