At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
