nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Randomize
