she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
