This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
