you're like a bully in the Christmas story
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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