I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
