I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
