Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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