When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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