You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
