My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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