I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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