I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
