They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
