Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
